Autograph
by Alohilani
Summary: So I stand there and I watch him for a minute, and then I hear myself say: 'You're Zim, right' 'Yeah,' he says. And that's why I think it was really him, because he didn't seem surprised at all. I think he expects people to know him.


A/N: Tense confusions are intentional to create a narrative as casual-sounding as possible.

* * *

What, that picture? Oh yes, that's real. There should be a signature, too, under the- ah, yeah, here it is.

Yes, that's really him. I know there are a lot of fakes running around, Irkens all looking alike and all- but that's really him. As far as I know, anyway. I didn't check his Pak ID or anything.

I'm not. No, I didn't go l_ooking_ for him. I ran into him when I worked on Foodcourtia. You remember that awful little joint I worked in. There were maybe three people in tops every lunch hour. We wound up leaving one day and letting the rats have everything. I think Sizz Lorr ended up buying the building and using it for storage. Yeah, he was exiled there for a while, I guess, but that wasn't when I saw him.

Anyway, it was just a normal day. I was… was I sorting papers? No, I think I was doing fries. Yes, I was doing fries and Gisea comes in and stares like she saw, I don't know. Something. She says 'There's someone weird here.'

And I tell her to suck it up and go back out because she did this. But she says 'No, I want you to do it.' She was all pale.

Waiting on customers was better than fries anyway so I put her on the fries and I go out, and at first, you know, I think it's just some Irken. He's sitting there in the back, squished up against the wall, staring out the window. Pretty much like in the picture.

He was the only guy in the place. I told you, we didn't get much business. Anyway, he yells 'What do I have to do to get some FOOD around here?' and, well, you've heard him. On TV. I'd heard him, and I'd seen him on all the wanted posters.

No, I didn't even think about trying to take him in. I'm not stupid and I don't wanna die, now let me finish.

So I went over to his table and I just stood there. And he glared up at me and said: 'I've been waiting an hour! Do you care? Do you?'

And I think… I think I said I didn't care. My tongue was going weird on me. I'm not someone who freezes up around people, but from what I hear if you look at him funny he runs a Megadoomer over you.

Whatever I said, he sighed and rubbed his head like he had a headache. He looked really tired. He'd been on Earth two years then, I think. Invaders who are away a while start looking like mental patients. It's something they don't tell 'em in Academy, probably.

'Whatever,' he said. 'Gimme two orders of fries and… the really big shake.'

I wrote it down. I think I was disappointed. I think I expected him to ask for chopped-up smeets or something, I don't know.

So I go and I get his food and his shake and I take it to him and he just starts cramming it down. It was kinda gross.

Oh, he didn't say what kind of shake. I don't remember what I gave him but he didn't complain about it.

So I stand there and I watch him for a minute, and then I hear myself say: 'You're Zim, right?'

'Yeah,' he says. And that's why I think it was really him, because he didn't seem surprised at all. I think he expects people to know him. Well, he's been on the news enough.

He's small. He's really small. I mean, they say he is, but he doesn't look tiny on TV. He's tiny. He's short and his shoulders are all skinny and he's, I dunno, tiny. He sure can put food away though. And he's really loud. He has this weird little voice. I don't know it's like… like this? I can't do it. You've heard him on TV. He really sounds like that.

And I knew, suddenly, that no one would believe I saw him. Zim's supposed to be on Earth. He's there now, right?

Oh, they haven't. Then he's probably on Earth. He might be dead now. I don't know. Just because I met him doesn't mean I keep up with what he's doing. He didn't give me his telecall code, or anything like that.

But I said to him, I said: 'You mind if I get a picture with you?'

He groaned and flapped his hand at me.

I had a camera in my bag. I went and got it and I dragged Gisea out into the building. She froze up, just staring at him.

I think I said something like 'He's not going to eat you, he has his fries,' and I shoved the camera in her hands and I sat down next to him in the booth. He was hogging one of those big booths all to himself, not that it mattered because he was the only customer.

She shook a minute and then she took the picture and ran back to the kitchen.

I got back up and he'd finished one of the fries so I threw out the empty container. I noticed the napkin dispenser on the little counter, so I grabbed my napkin and took a pen out of the cashier drawer and I went back over to him.

'Hey,' I said. 'No one is going to believe you came in here. Could you sign this?'

He grunted. I shoved the pen and napkin at him. That's the napkin. See?

He signed it and shoved it back at me. I took it and thanked him and went behind the counter.

He finished his food and sat there a while with his head in his hands. Brain freeze, maybe. Eventually I looked away to do something and when I looked back, he was gone. He left his trash on the table. Irkens are all snots.

I heard later that he caused a fifteen-ship pileup just outside Foodcourtia right before he came in. Maybe that was why he looked so tired.

Anyway, yeah. Not every day that happens… put those in that folder. The blue one.

Afraid? No, I wasn't scared of him, I dunno why. Maybe he just seemed so bent on the food. I dunno. I never met anyone else interesting in that dump.

What's in this pile? Oh, it's receipts. Those go in the red folder. It's over there. Hold on- thank you. Let's see here, old birthday card, I can throw that out… no, he didn't have his SIR with him… no, he didn't really talk to me. He just wanted his food. Irkens are weird about food.

Yes, I'll take you to Foodcourtia for lunch. Don't get your hopes up though.


End file.
